This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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