just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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