if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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