I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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