Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
