You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
