Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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