he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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