My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize