my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
