Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
