I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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