i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
