eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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