he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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