after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize