dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
