I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
