dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
