i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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