My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
