so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
