So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
