What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
