So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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