and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize