and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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