He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
