I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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