I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
