And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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