can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
