I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
