sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
