he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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