I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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