I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
