Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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