I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
