She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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