i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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