It's Friday. Sex?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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