I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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