I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
