I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
