I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize