Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
