forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
