hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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