if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
