Duck Duck Cougar?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
