Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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