I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
