what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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