you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i've created a new STD.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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