true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
