If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
