im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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