I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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