i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
