she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i think i just lost a toe
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
