Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
