why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
