He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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