and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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