My friends, they love my intelligence
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
