nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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