I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
