and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
