I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
