If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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