i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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