Your mouth is God's brothel.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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