the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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