At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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