Banned from zoo.
Again?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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