she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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