this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
